rivers2cross

The importance of being kind to yourself is something I have been working hard on over the last 12 months. Normally, I think buying two Vinyl LPs would still be a little extravagant, but I used a voucher I was given last Christmas, so I only had to pay the £6 difference. These current releases by Muse and Yungblud are both really good albums, and welcome additions to my growing vinyl collection. I still have all my vinyls from the 70s/80s and now I am adding more and more current releases as well.

The main reason for the treat to myself is following my urology appointment on Thursday. It wasn’t quite the conclusive outcome of a complex cyst that I was expecting and has certainly raised a few questions and worries. The doctor showed me the results from the ultrasound images and basically this lump is in a rather unusual position in a tube close to my testicle. My understanding of what he said is that this is not normally where a cyst would be found, but at the same time it didn’t look exactly how a cancerous growth would look. He couldn’t rule out cancer. I had blood taken to test my markers and he said there would be a team meeting where my case would be discussed in a couple of weeks. I might end up having surgery or it may be left to monitor.

I now have all these questions I am asking myself. How long has it actually been there? Has it changed in size? Is it causing me discomfort? Did the doctor say anything that I could interpret to give me some answers? Might I have cancer? The one thing the doctor did say was that they would not know what the lump is until it is removed, which I suppose could be interpreted that surgery is perhaps the most likely option.

To be fair, a year ago I would have struggled massively with all this. My anxiety and depression would have sent me into a downwards spiral. Obviously, I am a little worried as I had been expecting the outcome of the ultrasound to be “yes it’s a cyst and it will eventually go away”. However, I know that it needs sorting and my head space at this stage is pretty good, and hopefully I can keep it that way for as long as necessary x