rivers2cross

I feel like I’ve been quite restless recently and have perhaps been feeling a little all over the place. I think coming off the Sertraline has been a little more challenging than I thought it would be. Perhaps I am feeling impatient with myself and my own progress at the moment. My anxiety has returned albeit not at the same levels it has been, but enough to start affecting me. With that in mind I’ve taken the decision to go back onto Sertraline. I am thinking of perhaps asking to try a different anti-depressant, but for the time being I’m on Sertraline. Hopefully I will begin to feel more balanced again and back to where I was 6-8 weeks ago.

I have been quite open on a number of my posts in the last few days about the problems I’ve had in my adult life. That has been good to put out there. I am by no means a perfect human being, but I am trying really hard to at least be honest with myself. However, the biggest thing for me at the moment is trying to reconnect fully with my perspective on life. I am bloody lucky in that I am fit and healthy. Sometimes when I start feeling a little sorry for myself or worry about things that really don’t matter that much in the scheme of things, I just have to remind myself that many people have it so much worse than me and going through stuff that is completely shit! (excuse my French) I don’t mean my problems are not valid, but at the same time they are not life and death. I am going to try and go back to basics a little more and just reset myself. For starters I am going to try and appreciate the good things no matter how small that happen each day even if it is just a happy thought. My social media content might therefore go a little “trivial” for a while.

Can I also send out my love and thanks for all the positive comments I’ve received in recent days. The love and encouragement have meant the world to me. I can be pretty tough on myself (another thing I need to pull back from), but I think I perhaps have to listen to others a little more and cut myself a little more slack. Let’s see how this all goes x

As a footnote I have been wondering if I have been pushing the fundraising a little too hard as far as my own mental health goes. Some old insecurities have been coming back to haunt me again at the moment. It’s not an easy balance to get right, but I just feel that I am just trying a little too hard at the moment. This kind of thought process is classic me… Having said that at a school reunion tonight I sold a couple of CDs, which gave me a really nice and much needed boost and means A New Dawn is now up to £1170 raised for Bowel Cancer UK, Love Hope Strength and The Bowel Movement…