rivers2cross

This is my second Rebellious Hope t-shirt helping to raise funds for the Bowelbabe Fund. I have to admit that the white one I also have is a very large fit (tent like 😆), whereas this blue one designed for us boys is a standard large and is a great fit. I’ve yet to wear either of the t-shirts out in public and I have been waiting for that ideal opportunity. I know this is wrong and that Dame Debs would be the first to say that life is too short and you must live for the moment. Anyone who knows me will know how passionate I am about my bowel cancer fundraising and raising awareness of the disease having lost my mum to it. No-one will come close to Deborah for what she achieved on both those fronts, but I what I will also take from her is that passion for living and realising just how precious every single day is.

As far as how I live my life, this is still very much work in progress for me. I know that I have always been prone to looking for reasons why I can’t do something rather than reasons why I can! There are many lessons that someone like myself can take from Deborah. Why should I worry what others might think about anything I do… Be braver and have a go at things as what is the worst thing that can happen. Why waste energy wondering about the what ifs etc… I know that my late father told mum that he had no regrets and that is something I will continue to strive to emulate.

I think perhaps I sometimes lose focus on myself. I hope that I am kind and supportive to people who I come into contact with, but I do forget that I am also that someone too. Having said that when I think back 9 months or so to where I was and certainly to how I was feeling on the inside, then I can appreciate and be proud of how far I have come following depression and anxiety issues. I have learned to like myself once again and to be able to smile again without having feelings of guilt. Nothing can be fixed straight away, but I am getting there.

Anyway I diverse. Getting back to the t-shirt I am going to start wearing it / them more often. Sure it would be nice to have a reason to wear it out somewhere nice, but there is no reason why, like tonight, I don’t just put it on for around the house. There is little point in saving the t-shirt for “best” and on my travels I am seeing so many of the t-shirts being worn so proudly by people in their daily lives. It is time that I joined in! Deborah’s much publicised last words for her followers sum up everything that I am aspiring to achieve in life… “find a life worth enjoying; take risks; love deeply; have no regrets; and always, always have rebellious hope” At this moment in time I fall short on all of the above, but I am working on it all, I am open to possibilities and I will try my best to succeed x