rivers2cross

I am writing a special Valentine’s Day journal post a few days early, mainly because on Monday, as a single person, I will be deflecting my thoughts away from knowing that the postman won’t be leaving any cards for me. Although, having said that for the most part I am pretty ok with it these days.

It’s been to many years to remember since I received a card and in fact when I was last dating! There was a time when it could be a very triggering time for me and the whole thing about being single would drag me to a pretty low place. There is a link with this to my loneliness of course. I don’t enjoy being single and it isn’t by choice, but it is what it is and opportunities to go out on dates have been very thin on the ground for a very long time. However, over time I realised that over time whether or not I received a card on February 14th was not make or break, and importantly not a reason to trigger negativity in me. I know people say it doesn’t matter and it’s commercial rubbish etc which is fair enough, but actually I enjoy seeing people happy in life full stop, and if that includes posting about happy times on Valentine’s Day then I think that’s amazing. Also, it’s been a pretty tough couple of years for everyone with the pandemic, so if people want to have a day of celebrating their relationship then that’s fine by me.

This year for me is all about finding inner peace and happiness. If a relationship were to be part of that then fantastic, but I have made such a positive start to the year and feel like I’m currently on a good path. I will take that all day long for starters. I am also incredibly lucky to have a wonderful and ever-growing network of friends and fortunately I am fit and well. What so many others are currently going through puts anything I have going on in my life very much into perspective.

But…………. Of course, when I return home from work on Monday night and that little part of me looks to see if the postman has brought me anything, I will not beat myself up for having a little pang of sadness when there is nothing there… Until tomorrow x