rivers2cross

On my Facebook memories today I was reminded that on this day in 2013 Mum had an all clear from cancer and was officially in remission. I was suppose with hindsight she was actually no evidence of disease. Anyway after a tough 14 months since her diagnosis in 2012 this was a great moment and something worth celebrating. Mum went on to have almost 18 months of remission before the cancer came back to her left lung in November 2014. By June 2013 she had already had 3 major surgeries. One to remove the tumour in her bowel and two lung procedures where the cancer had spread.

Looking back I knew very little about cancer back then, let along bowel cancer. I didn’t know anything about staging and secondary cancers, and as a result statistics and life expectancy really weren’t things I thought too much about. The other thing was that Mum always saw her cancer as an inconvenience, and each time she had a set back, she just wanted to know what was needed to be done to get through it, which is most instances for her meant surgery. Cancer most certainly didn’t define her, and it wasn’t something that she spoke to me about in any great depth. I think she was more interested in making sure I was alright as mums do x

This meant for much of her illness I had a very positive outlook, which was probably a really good way for me personally to deal with things especially as time went on and things eventually deteriorated for Mum. There are many different ways for people to deal with a cancer diagnosis and the way they go through treatment. Mum was a doctor’s receptionist, still working part-time aged 76 when she was diagnosed, and did manage to return to work for a short time afterwards before retiring. Mum was very happy with the treatment and care that she received from the NHS. She trusted her oncologist, surgeons and consultants. I suppose in the years since her death, I do wonder if we should have asked a few more questions perhaps. However, to be fair all her treatment was successful until the final few months, so I am not sure there was much more that could have been done.

I think I am now finally, as part of the bereavement process, beginning to let go of a lot of this kind of stuff. Analysing and overthinking such things has not been good for my own mental health, and certainly not been any help for me personally with the grieving process.

So, I think that actually being reminded of the day Mum went into remission 9 years ago today is a really good and positive memory. It was a tough four four and half years during her illness, but as a family we had so many happy and good times during this period that it’s good to reminded of this occasionally x