rivers2cross

I came into 2022 searching for inner peace. Going back to last Autumn I think that on the inside I was about as far from inner peace as I could be. Depression and anxiety were in full force and I really wasn’t sure of which way to turn at times. Seeking help was a tough step for me to take, but such an important one.

Fast forward to March 2022. I’ve completed a course of CBT Therapy, which gave me a really good insight into how I was functioning and most importantly gave me the tools to better handle triggering situations, make some changes and reset myself. I have been on Sertraline for almost 6 months and I feel calmer and more like the old me at long last. I’m not sure how long I had been feeling depressed, this but I think it’s been on and off for years if I am honest.

Anyone who follows me on social media will see what a big part of my life the fundraising and raising awareness about bowel cancer plays in my every day life. The fact is that last Autumn I had totally lost my spark and in fact I wasn’t really enjoying it. I came close to calling it a day. Things are so much better now, and I think one of the reasons for that is the support and encouragement I’ve received as well as managing to change my mindset. I had put myself under too much pressure and once I managed to tackle that a huge weight was lifted. There’s no doubt that not just the spontaneous idea of doing the Life of Mique fundraising teddies has been a game changer for me, but perhaps more importantly it was meeting the quite amazing Monique Buckingham and her lovely family in Colchester. It was emotional, inspiring and a real reminder to me of the core reasons why I began doing this in the first placing when my mum was ill.

The news has been depressing for years with Brexit, Covid and now the awful situation in Ukraine. I stay clear of the news programmes and the media as much as I can, as it is better for my mental health to avoid it, but I still manage to stay abreast of everything.

I continue to rebuild and rediscover myself. I knew that there wouldn’t be an easy or a quick fix for my mental health issues. I still regard myself as in the early days of recovery.I always felt that there could never be inner peace for me until I was in a long term relationship, and although that is something I would love to happen for me, I now realise that the path to inner peace is more about things that I have control over and not the things which I can’t control. The future Mrs D remains elusive and out of my control as a result! Everything is still very much work in progress. I am really grateful for all the understanding and support that I have had for the fundraising and especially on a personal level too. Until tomorrow x