rivers2cross

15 years ago today, June 15th 2009, we lost Dad. It was the day when everything changed. It’s a long time ago now. The sadness never goes away, but the all consuming grief has been replaced by acceptance and importantly the strong loving bond endures unbroken.

If Dad was alive today he would have been in his late 90s! I’m not sure I ever believed he would live to that grand old age, but at the time of his death I felt he had plenty left to carry on for another 10 years perhaps. He was such an active man for 82 and was still working with me every day until pneumonia and sepsis took him after a short illness.

I’ve put myself under a lot of pressure over the years to live a life Dad would have been proud of. My life today is very different to the one I had 15 years ago. I think it’s only when I look at some of those differences that I can genuinely feel proud of how far I have come and what I have achieved. I don’t think I have to keep asking myself that question anymore as to would Dad have been proud of me as I am comfortable in the knowledge of knowing the affirmative answer.

So much has happened over the last 15 years. John Darvell Packaging Ltd, the company that he founded in 1976 carries on and is just 2 years away from celebrating its 50th anniversary. I hope it can make it to that milestone. After his death working on my own was so very different and lonely. He had such a presence, and there are still old labels with his handwriting that keep him close by. The company of dogs has been a great way to fill work with happiness and companionship. Storm and Prince are sadly no longer here, but I now have Bluebell to keep me on my toes! During his lifetime I never did any fundraising. That began with Mum’s bowel cancer diagnosis in 2012. I’m approaching 12 years with all that now and I’m sure he would approve. It has taken me down a completely new path, bringing the most amazing people and friendships into my life. Today, on the actual anniversary, I am on a fundraising walk on the North Wales coast for Love Hope Strength with a number of these friends, and I’m sure I’ll be adding to these friendships today as well. The Tim of 15 years ago would never have believed that life would take him down such a rewarding road.

Dad enjoyed a very happy life and a loving marriage with Mum for 49 years. I’m glad that he never lived to see Mum going through bowel cancer. One thing I know for sure is how pleased he would have been that the family has stayed tight and continue to be there for each other now that both he and Mum are longer with us.

In the past I have berated myself for not living for the moment enough, and although there is some basis for that point of view, I only have to to think of what I am doing in North Wales on the anniversary to realise that I am doing so much better in this regard. Meeting the future Mrs D would be the icing on the cake, but I think that would be a minor miracle now!

So, today I raise a glass, or these days for me more like to be a cuppa, and say cheers to Dad x