rivers2cross

Today’s post during bowel cancer awareness month is the chapter on my mum from my Lives & Times bowel cancer fundraising book. Mum sadly died of bowel cancer in August 2016, but lived to see the book published, and in fact shed a few tears when she saw it for the first time. Perhaps the only time in my life that I made Mum cry x

This was one of the last chapters that I completed for the book, as I kept tweaking it as things continued to happen with her bowel cancer. Finally, about a month before publication, I decided to draw a line under it, and go with where things were at that time. As things transpired, on the very day I published the book on November 27th 2015, Mum had her first brain seizure. The spreading of the cancer to her brain signalled a serious change, and her health slowly began to deteriorate. However, at the time of writing the chapter, we were still full of hope that Mum would overcome the latest setback, and it’s a chapter that I am immensely proud of.

On re-reading the chapter I reference to mum fighting cancer. During the writing of the next book The Record after Mum’s death, and having spoken with a number of cancer patients, I tried to avoid using phrases such as ‘battle’, ‘fight’, ‘win’, ‘lose’. Mum, like all cancer patients, had no control over what was going on inside her body. As Deborah “Bowel Babe” James says, “Cancer patients aren’t soldiers dropping like flies because they were too weak in the face of our enemy. They were just unlucky.” At the end of the day though, it is everyone’s choice as to what words they want to use in relation to this awful disease, and we should never feel afraid of using whatever language works for us.

So here is the chapter that closes Lives & Times. All three of my fundraising books are raising funds for Bowel Cancer UK.

Mum

When I began putting this book together in Spring 2014, my mother had been in remission from bowel cancer for over two years. After having had the operation to remove the cancerous tumour in September 2012, Mum underwent two further operations, one on each lung, at the beginning of 2013. One of the nodules they took out was cancerous, which we had expected as it had shown up on scans from the very beginning, and it had responded to the chemotherapy Mum had for the tumour in the bowel. The nodule removed from the lung was a secondary cancer from the bowel. The courage and determination with which she faced up to the illness and dealt with everything that came her way was truly inspirational.

Unfortunately, in November 2014 at her annual check-up the cancer had come back, and once again it was in one of her lungs. So February 2015 saw Mum having another operation to remove the cancerous nodule. This was the third time she had had to have this procedure, which is major surgery. There was no complaining and, like with so many people fighting cancer, she went with the treatment plan. There is of course no other option. Six weeks after the operation Mum had the last of her post-operation follow up appointments at the hospital. The operation was successful with the cancerous nodule removed, and Mum made an excellent recovery.

There can never be any guarantees when it comes to cancer, and Mum is fantastic at looking forwards, and living her life to the full and making the most of every single day. She has had the most amazing treatment by the NHS, and fully appreciates that, when it comes to bowel cancer, there are many patients who sadly have not been as fortunate and who have lost their courageous battles with this illness.

The first photo was taken on Mothering Sunday in March 2015 with Mum recovering well from the operation. We went out for a family lunch and it was a great opportunity for me to take a shot of three generations of the ladies in the family, with my sister, Ali, and my niece, Anna, making up a lovely threesome in the picture. For me this is a lovely family photo, and is much more about capturing a happy moment than analyzing its technical qualities.

In the second picture I photographed Mum with her horse Shimara, who is one of her most treasured possessions. She has had a passion for horses all her life, and as a child she and her late sister Carole grew up with horses on Maidenhead Thicket not far from The Coach & Horses pub her parents ran. Today Shimara’s livery stable is only a few hundred yards from the pub which is now called The Shire Horse.

They say never work with children or animals. When we got to the field at Burchetts Green near Maidenhead, where Shimara spends the summer months, Mum seemed to completely forget what we were there to do. She was so engrossed in making sure Shimara was looking her best, that she completely forgot that she needed to pose for the camera too. I had to remind her what we were trying to do before Mum started to behave properly. It was worth the effort though, as it’s a lovely photo with both Mum and Shimara looking marvellous. Mum and I narrowed down the choice of photos that I had taken down to about six, but we both agreed that this one was our favourite. One thing I learnt from Mum whilst taking the photos, was that when photographing horses their ears need to be pricked forwards.

Mum continues to ride, and is showing no signs of slowing down in her advancing years. Shimara is of course very much part of the family, and we sometimes joke with Mum how Shimara seems to be put above her children. There are times when everyone needs to find a way of escaping, and riding horses has always been that escape route for Mum. I know how important it was for Mum to be able to ride Shimara, and get away from everything, when our father passed away in 2009.

I am sure Mum will make light of her battle with bowel cancer over the last three and a half years and counting. She may correctly say that there is no choice, and that you simply have to do whatever it takes. However, throughout the four operations, time in hospital, and the weeks of recuperation, I didn’t hear her complain. She never lost her positive attitude throughout, and the way she has dealt with anything put in front of her has been amazing. She really is an inspiration to the whole family. The one thing that Mum focussed on during her time in hospital and at home convalescing, was when she would be able to ride Shimara again. It is therefore perhaps fitting that I end the book with this chapter on Mum, and the photo of Mum and Shimara which will also be framed and take pride of place in her living room. I can’t ask for a better endorsement of a photo than that.

As I finish writing this book in October 2015, Mum’s most recent CT scan showed that she has another cancerous nodule on her left lung, which is a secondary cancer from the bowel cancer. This development was the last thing we wanted hear at her meeting with the consultant. She will have a PET scan and we are hoping that Mum will be able to have surgery in the coming months to have the nodule removed. In spite of this bad news Mum remains very positive and upbeat. Typically, she already has a steely determination to face up to what lies ahead.