rivers2cross

The language surround cancer is something that I have to confess I knew very little about, especially its impact on people living with cancer. In the Lives & Times book I published in 2015, and when Mum was still alive, I referred her ‘battle with bowel cancer’, and subsequently ‘losing her fight’ after she died.

I no longer use such terms in any of my writing. I’ve come to realise that Mum didn’t lose anything. She had no control over the cancer, and throughout the four and a half years managed to carry on living her life to the full, which was never defined by cancer. In terms of her treatment, Mum did everything that the doctors asked her to do with courage and dignity. If she had died from another illness I doubt the terms lost and battle would have been used. Mum loved a long and happy life, something worth celebrating.

There are three photos above, and I have to pay these three ladies great credit, as it was my conversations with them for chapters in the forthcoming book, that played a large part in me coming around to a new way of thinking about the use of certain words and phrases. I met Janet Ellis at her house in London, and she told me about the workshops she has done on the power of words, such as ‘battle’, and ‘fight’, and the way she talked about it really made me think long and hard. I met Deborah James in Richmond, and although this was some time before the #youmebigc podcast, she had already become a major figure on social media in talking about bowel cancer, and raising awareness. I had a really good discussion with Deborah about words, and everything she said made great sense. Finally the other Deborah James, who sadly died in July 2017. We met in Northampton just a couple of months before she died. She was so nice, and I was very upset when her death was announced. She told me how she had become a self taught expert on bowel cancer, and would do everything possible to to defy the doctors and stay alive, but she said she had no control over the cancer.

Three hugely inspirational ladies, who have helped come to look at this all from a new perspective and I feel that I really did learn something so very important from these conversations. Writing the new book has been an amazing experience, and I continue to learn, and hopefully develop into a better person.

Following last year’s #youmebigc podcast on words, ‘death’, ‘died’, and ‘dying’, and how they needed to be reclaimed for use in everyday language, I make no apologies for starting to use them more often now. I would add though that we shouldn’t be scared to talk about cancer, and the language we use, for fear of using the wrong language, or causing offence. When I was talking about cancer it was with my heart in the right place with no intention of disrespect to anyone, especially my mum…