rivers2cross

I’ve been writing a lot over recent months, but mostly lyrics for the new Fields of Dawn record. A lot of the lyrics I’ve written are of a personal nature and an honest account of where I am in life. The Next World is one of the tracks on the new album. Perhaps the most fitting song title given my recent health niggles. Yesterday, I saw my consultant in Urology. This was a scheduled post op assessment, but after Pathology threw up quite a big curve ball with the results of my recent procedure, the appointment had become quite a big deal, certainly from my point of view.

The benign tumour that was recently taken out close to my testicles turned out to be a rather rare Papillary Cystadenoma. This threw up the worrying possibility that I might have von Hippel-Lindau Syndrome, which could have potentially had serious life-changing consequences. Over the last month or so it has been a slightly anxious time, although with my own mental health improvements I feel I coped a lot better than I would have in the past. Yesterday, I was given the good and reassuring news that I don’t have the VHL Syndrome. Also the areas of concern that turned up in a recent CT scan can be discounted too. My brilliant consultant could have signed me off there and then, and even showed me a letter which gave him that option. However, for completeness, he has booked me in for another set of scans for 6 months just to make sure everything has remained stable. At that point I should be signed off.

I feel that I come out of this experience with the opportunity to move on to the next world. I am very fortunate to have my health and a happy life that I am extremely grateful for. I have a platform now to push on and live my life to the full. The fundraising and the friendships that I have made as a result, play a massive part in my life and I fully intend to carry on with that. I will admit that since lockdown I have gone into my shell a little and sometimes find my own 4 walls a safe comfort zone I retreat to. I want to rebalance a little and get out into the big wide world a little more. I am also acutely aware, that whilst not diminishing my own recent issues, there are so many people going through so much worse than me every single day, in many cases simply to stay alive. The courage, compassion and kindness that so many of these wonderful souls show inspires me no end and if I could be a fraction of the person that they are, then I would be pretty content with that. The adversity that these people have to contend with every day is something I can’t begin to fully understand or fully appreciate, but for me they are in a different class and I will always do whatever I can to be there for any of them x

So, I don’t feel like I have been given a second chance. It’s more that this first chance life that I have is there for the taking. I want to seize it, grab it by the scruff of the neck and make the absolute most of any opportunities that come my way. I have a new record coming, more fundraising ideas coming and the rather scary thought of playing some live music dates! All this I can achieve without putting myself under any pressure. To try and live my life with my heart full and a smile in my face. I am far from perfect, but I will always do my best x