rivers2cross

This week has seen the Lives & Times fundraising book turn 5 years old. The book was an amazing journey for me, taking 18 months to put together. It was one memorable experience after another meeting so many fascinating people, and the help, support, and enthusiasm of those who took part will stay with me forever. Over the last three years the book has been an amazing success. and along with everything else being sold on my rivers2cross.com website, the fundraising now stands at over £4000. The kindness and support from everyone who has bought the book has been wonderful.

It was also the same day that Mum had her first brain seizure, which would prove to be a turning point in her bowel cancer illness that had begun back in 2012. I had taken as much time as required to make sure it was 100% ready, and as good as it could possibly be. I just had to decide on the publication date, and eventually decided on November 27th. We knew that Mum required another lung operation at beginning of 2016, and I kept changing the chapter on Mum as things changed. Towards the end of October I decided that I couldn’t keep changing things, and the book would be presented as how Mum’s health was there and then, which was absolutely the right way.

I won’t deny that the build up to publication was exciting. How well would it sell, and would people like it? I was taking pre-orders and was happy to let people who paid have their copies a few days early. I gave my brother his copy, and Mum got to see this before I had a chance to give her copy to her. It reduced her to tears – I think the only time in my life that I did this…

Then came publication day… During the early hours of November 27th my brother called me to say that Mum had been taken to hospital, and from that moment everything changed. The excitement and anticipation about the book vanished in an instant, as all thoughts turned to Mum. She was in hospital for over a week, and the bad news was that she had two cancerous tumours on her brain, which were secondary cancers from the bowel cancer. She would go on to have treatment for these in the new year. The swelling on her brain, and the pressure that was causing the seizures was managed by the use of steroids. Sadly, over the following months her health slowly deteriorated, and one of the tumours did not respond to the CyberKnife treatment. The final massive seizure at the beginning of June left Mum in hospital, and virtually paralysed down one side. Her condition became terminal, and she was moved to a nursing home in Maidenhead where she spent her last few weeks. Sadly, Mum died on August 29th, 2016. 

It is now over four years since mum died, and perhaps it has only really been during 2020 that I am finally coming to terms with it all.  Grief and bereavement are such a personal thing. I know that that there is no right or wrong way, and that I try to look forwards, and remember the happy times when I do look back. Those last few months with Mum were quite tough and have left a sadness that can be hard to shift at times. I suppose you just put it away somewhere and learn to keep it there as much as possible.

Bowel cancer has changed me massively. Losing a parent to it is heartbreaking but getting to know and meet so many inspirational people also affected by it has been one of the best things to ever have happened to me. It is a wonderfully warm and giving community in the face of tremendous adversity. I only have to think of what others are facing, and I realize that my own demons are pretty minor really.

Finally, I must stress how important it is to keep raising awareness about bowel cancer. Too many people are being diagnosed at a later stage when the chances of long-term survival are greatly reduced. If detected at an early stage, bowel cancer can be successfully treated in over 90% of cases. 16,000 people lose their lives to this awful illness each year making it the second highest cancer killer in the UK. There is a wealth of useful information on the Bowel Cancer UK website.