rivers2cross

This week has been a big week and perhaps the right time for me to update everyone on my mental health. My 57th birthday was on February 21st. I had a call from my sister wishing me happy birthday and she asked how I was. Without thinking or having any kind of response ready I said that I felt content and at peace. This is such a big step on this path for me. For some years my birthday hasn’t got me overly excited, a little like Christmas, but this year I have felt different about it and been genuinely happy. Also, in recent times, especially losing Monique Buckingham and Nicole Cooper in the bowel cancer community, I have been well aware how some people never get to celebrate as many birthdays as many of us take for granted, so I’ve wanted to feel more appreciate of this gift of life that we get to wake up to every single day. As a result I have been working hard on my gratitude for just being alive. This is something that can’t be forced though, so to have this kind of movement inside feels really good. I want to be as good as I can at seizing opportunities and making the most of what life has to offer, and ever so slowly I feel that I am heading in the right direction. To make matters even better there was a really happy friendship reconnection this week, which has made me feel so so happy. Friendships remain incredibly important to me, never taken for granted. This year, I am really hoping to meet a few more of the people I’ve become friends with on social media x

When I reflect back to October 2021 when I sought help for my anxiety and depression, it’s amazing how far I have come. I presumed that I had been carrying on as normal on social media back then and hiding how I was feeling. Actually though, I went very quiet on social media for a couple of months while I slowly got round to telling people about my struggles. No surprise that to start with I didn’t find this very easy. When I made contact with Talking Therapies I had to write down in my own words what I felt was wrong. I felt extremely uncomfortable doing this and the above screenshot is the few lines that I was able to write down. It’s not much, but it was a small but very important start. 18 months on and I can talk about my struggles in so much more greater detail as people who follow me on social media will know. I have also been able to reflect and uncover some of the core issues of depression and anxiety that I now know I have been living with since my teenage years.

The only recent blip I had was when I came off the Sertraline tablets last autumn. I don’t regret trying to do that, and at least I am now aware of the part that the anti-depressants are playing in my recovery and stability. So everything is currently looking pretty good for me x

I feel that I am entering an exciting phase. Partly because of what I have already said, but there are some good things happening. April sees a brand new Fields of Dawn music release for bowel cancer awareness month, which is shaping up to be something very special. I also have music going on with The Majority for the first time in over 20 years. The Shadows & Souls release in January surpassed mine and Ad’s wildest expectations with the reception it got, so we will hopefully come back with some more killer tunes. The other thing that I have only just very recently started to think about doing is recording a Podcast. I think it would be a creative and cathartic thing to do, and also something that wouldn’t have the pressure of fundraising associated with it. Nothing definite yet, but something to ponder for sure.

So, yes I feel content and at peace and long may that continue x