rivers2cross

Where have the last eight years gone? On the one hand it seems like a lifetime ago that Mum died, but sometimes it seems like yesterday. I don’t think too much changes as far as how I feel each year. There is no getting away from the fact that the anniversary of losing someone close can be a particularly sad and indeed a tough time. I always feel anxious in the days leading up to the anniversary, but today on the anniversary itself there is both sadness and some incredibly happy memories of a wonderful mum. I miss her just as much now as I did when we lost her. Grief is so very unique and different for all of us. I always believe that there is no right or wrong way to go deal with it. One thing that is etched onto my most inner core are the last 24 hours of Mum’s life. That will always be a part of me and as hard as it I have to accept that trauma and find a place for it to sit along side a lifetime of love and happiness x

Most years to mark the occasion I have tried to do something positive and this has usually involved some form of fundraising. However, this year I am spending the anniversary quietly and continuing to have a break from the charity projects. My passion for fundraising and raising awareness remains as high as ever, but I am also trying to concentrate on me a little bit more and striking a healthy and happy balance.

So, one thing that hasn’t changed for me is that for all the sadness over the loss of Mum the biggest positive for me has been the amazing support I have had for my fundraising and raising awareness about bowel cancer. I have made so many new friendships, many of whom share a connection to this awful disease. It has had such a positive effect on me, and literally changed my life. Sadly some of these amazing souls are no longer with us, but I feel blessed to have crossed paths and remain a massive inspiration to me.

I think my decision to start fundraising back in 2012 was very much a sliding doors type moment. Mum’s operation to remove the tumour from her bowel was a success, and something inside me wanted to do something positive, but I could so easily have just remained thankful for Mum recovering and not done anything. I still can’t really explain it, but it’s been absolutely incredible and so very rewarding. In October there is a new Fields of Dawn acoustic album coming out, and after that who knows?