rivers2cross

A little over a year ago I sought help for depression and anxiety. Hard to sum my issues up in a few words, but I was unhappy, lonely, anxious, plagued by guilt and self doubts and living under a very dark cloud. Taking that first step of acknowledging I’d been living with these problems for so many years was a big step. I just thought it was a my “normal” and had just accepted it all as a part of life.

I am a classic case of what you see, especially on social media, is not always the complete picture. The reality one year ago was I was desperately unhappy and lonely, whereas the image that I certainly portrayed on social media and almost everyone who knows me would have shown no signs of these problems. Why would anyone be able to see massive dark cloud I felt was hanging over me…

I had stopped enjoying the fundraising, the one thing that had had such a positive impact on my life in recent years. I was close to walking away from it. I had lost my way, and forgotten why I do it, and how even the smallest gesture, something as simple as an act of kindness, can be the most rewarding and heart warming thing anyone can do. These days I see it all the time in so many amazing people I can now call friends.

One year on I am a much happier person. I’ve come to terms and understanding a lot of my core issues. Starting to like myself more, cut myself some slack, learned how to laugh again without feeling guilty, been open to opportunities and stop putting up so many barriers in front of myself. I will always be an over-thinker, but I am learning to distract myself and not allow my thoughts to take me down routes that will drag me down.

I’ve been taking Sertraline for the last 12 months and together with a course of CBT sessions things have improved so so much for me. Over the last few weeks, after consulting my GP, I’ve decided to come off the Sertraline and see how I go. I am not fixed, and still have a long way to go. In fact I can acknowledge that this will always be a part of my life now. The tools I have are still there and I can always restart the tablets if I need to. So, the last tablet I took was on Tuesday and I am entering another new chapter with my mental health, which will hopefully continue on its new positive path.

Sending my love and positive thoughts to anyone going through physical and mental challenges at the moment. Whilst not diminishing my own problems, I know how so many people have things a lot worse than me, and yet continue to shine and give so much of themselves to others. I can only aspire to achieve a fraction of what they do x